calm.

I am calm. & no longer stressing myself out about outcomes. I am refining the way I respond to life. Doing my best to not make things more than what they are or what they have to be. I’m learning how to take my problems off of pedestals. Learning how to be more present. More in the moment. More in my body and less in my head. Learning how to take my time. How to take things day by day. Trusting my intuition.

This summer has served as a trust fall with faith. A form of surrender that I am met with every morning. A reminder that I never really had control. An overwhelming peace in that I don’t have to have it all figured out. I keep having encounters with God. I’m learning how to set boundaries with my own feelings and emotions. Honoring them without letting them cripple me or cause me to spiral beyond attainability. I reach out for myself even when I’m existentially exhausted. Grabbing my hand. Girl, we gotta keep going. I now see why elders kept their Bibles on their nightstands and extra change in their purses. I feel like I’m turning into the women that came before me. In the foods I crave (I actually like black-eyed peas now lol), the way I carry myself — soft, intentional, warm, graceful, the color of my nails, my hands, the way I dance, my penmanship, the way I adorn myself with gold jewelry daily. I guess it’s safe to say that flyness was passed down. Hereditary. Intended. I find myself in deep gratitude and appreciation towards those that came before me. I am just a love story with life that keeps getting passed down.

I’m working on complaining less. I keep a small gratitude journal and take it everywhere I go. So much to be grateful for. I live for slow mornings and long pauses and my morning cup of tea. I see the value in stillness and silence now more than ever. I make every mundane step magical (or at least try my best to). I keep choosing softness even when I feel rough around the edges. I’m learning how to invest in myself and worry less about money. I now know how to want better for myself without making myself feel like a piece of….I’m recognizing that this is my only body so I should be nice to it and treat it with the utmost care. I rest when I’m tired. I say no when things don’t resonate. I don’t have to over-explain. I’m learning how to fly again after undergoing deep repair and restoration. I’m rebuilding without being in a rush. I won’t let comparison creep into the crevices of the foundation I’m building. I no longer play about me.

I’m having fun. I’m trying new and different things. I’m giving myself permission to evolve without feeling like I need to hoard all the old versions of myself. I’m letting go. I’m shedding. I’m becoming. I’m grieving. I’m excited. My heart is open. My steps are divinely guided. I’m remembering who I am and who I’ve always been. I’m proud of myself. So much is changing. Sometimes it feels like everything is moving so fast. So many things I don’t quite understand. But I’m calm. I’m calm because I know everything will be ok.